When I taught school at the junior and high school levels, I discovered that about eighty percent of the problems with my students were parent problems. They ranged from totally dysfunctional families (drugs, gang activity, homelessness) to performing below grade level, and family stress issues (divorce, death, illness, work). Sometimes any combination of the above.
I’m writing this to you to provide some suggestions for helping your child be the best they can be whether they are doing well in school or not. I like to believe that every parent has their child’s welfare at heart and wants to practice good parenting no matter what their life situation, until they prove me wrong.
Some Things to Remember About Good Parenting
1. Good Parenting Means Leading by Example
Your child looks to you as a role model. If you want your child to behave in a certain way, e.g., to be honest, truthful, respectful and to confide in you, then you need to be honest, truthful, respectful, and open to your child’s questions/comments. If you are dismissive or don’t have time to listen, they will be reluctant to confide in you or even trust you. I understand that we lead busy lives and are subject to information overload, but your child’s future is in your hands,
Whatever you do, your child will follow your example. After all, they are young adults in training, and you are their mentor. An old cliché: Imitation is the best form of flattery.
2. Hold Your Child Responsible for Their Actions
If your child makes a bad decision, let them live with the consequences. Be supportive, but don’t bail them out by making excuses for them or pretending they never made the mistake. They need to learn from their experience. Don’t make all your child’s decisions.
A Side Note: In a recent survey, hundreds of companies reported that twenty-six percent of the young applicants applying for their first job brought at least one parent with them to the interview. Would you hire any one of these applicants for a position of responsibility and decision-making?
3. Do Not Do Your Child’s Homework for Them
There is nothing wrong with helping them to understand concepts they don’t understand. But if you do the homework for them, the only thing they will learn is that you don’t think they are capable of doing anything on their own. In turn, they stop trying. Over time this leads to poor self-respect. This can have a snowball effect.
4. Never Tell Your Child You Don’t Expect Them to Do Well
Don’t tell them that you expect them to not do well in a particular subject because you didn’t do well in it. The message signals to your child that they are not capable of learning. Therefore, why try? Unfortunately, lack of confidence tends to spread to other subjects and leads to poor self-esteem. This also violates any high standards you may have set.
5. Get Involved with Their Education
Set high standards but don’t punish them if they don’t reach those standards. Know specifically what their homework assignments are for each day. Look at it after they complete it. Do not accept a glib answer. Make sure they do it. If they don’t, and they lie about it, then a bit of grounding might be in order.
6. Practice Good Parenting by Knowing Your Child’s Teachers
Attend school functions whenever possible. I know we get caught up in the drama of our own lives, but please make the time. Call it an investment in your child. If your child witnesses your commitment to their education and life, they will commit to doing their very best. This, too, has a snowball effect.
This is all for now. Check back here, or better yet, subscribe to my blog for future thoughts and observations for parents.
Ken Green